wanderlust
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Struggle.
Posted on Saturday, 3 August 2013 @ 09:55 with 0 comment(s)


Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Starting tonight, I need to forget what's gone. Appreciate what still remains and look forward to what's coming next. It's time for me to change. Change everything. From bad to better. I need to struggle in order to have a good life in the future. Sometimes, I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. But I think I have known it pretty often, too often. Starting tonight, yes. I'll start to change tonight.

I disappoint myself. I disappoint my family. I disappoint Allah. I disappoint Rasulullah. I disappoint Islam. With my attitude. With my act. With my words. I'm just feeling so bad tonight. I ain't a good khalifah. I ain't a good daughter. I ain't a good muslim. I'm not ready to die yet, because I know how high my Imaan is, and I can somehow predict how much good deeds that I've done, and how many sins that I've committed in my whole life since birth. Since I was a kid, I was never succeeded to be a good kind polite girl. I've never did something that could be a proud for Islam. And I'm ashamed of myself.

“I know you are there Allah. I know you see my tears. I know you hear my prayers. I know you are testing me. And all I ask from you is to strengthen my Imaan so I can handle the struggles in life and have patience. I love you my Lord. My Allah. Please keep me safe.” Ameen.
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annyeong ;
Alia. 18, future cardiologist.

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