wanderlust
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What if?
Posted on Saturday, 30 August 2014 @ 10:39 with 0 comment(s)


Bruh, I am literally frustrated.

What if I fail to acquire straight A's for this upcoming trial & the real pt3? I'm afraid I'll flunk once again. And I'm literally crying right now, no kidding. My heart aches so much. I'm scared of failure and (sobs) I don't want to fail, like seriously who wants to fail, am I right? No one. Nobody. Everyone seeks for success and so do I. 

I don't know. I don't have the vision of me crying out of happiness with my result. I can't imagine my parents shed tears of joy when they see me standing straight, hug them and proudly show them the paper that tells everything about my hard work. I don't see all that. I know and I acknowledge that everything that happens has a specific and strong reason. And I believe even if I fail to hold the tittle as a student of Mara Junior Science College Batu Pahat, I still have a long journey out there. I believe that Allah is the best planner of all and I strongly believe maybe by being out there, it will make me stronger or maybe by leaving my ass out of maktab, I'll be more successful. I know. And I put my belief in Allah.


But, I just can't stand looking at my parents' sorrow faces. I can't stand looking at them feeling disappointed with me. I can't stand making them regret for loving me so much until I abandon my responsibilities as a student, and as a daughter. I don't ever want to see them sad. Never. It hurts me so much. And I can't stand to feel ashamed of myself. I don't want to embarrassed myself in front of my friends. If I can't survive for pt3, how can I survive for spm? It's much harder and more complicated. 

I can still put some efforts and make du'a for Allah to ease everything. There's no harm in trying. If I still fail after all the hard works and prayers, redha is the only option I have. Yes, the tunnel we're going through might be dark and scary, but put you trust in Allah and He'll guide you to the end of the tunnel where you'll find light. I believe in Allah's plan and I believe that the journey that He has set for me, is the best.

In shaa Allah. Ameen ya rabbal'alamin.





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annyeong ;
Alia. 18, future cardiologist.

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