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December baby.
Posted on Friday, 12 December 2014 @ 08:34 with 0 comment(s)

Assalamu'alaikum and hello semua orang yang sedang membaca.

A lot of thoughts have been lingering in my mind since the last few days, and my feelings are (unexpectedly) mixed up. But I couldn't summon up any courage to write about it here. Idk man, I wanted to but then, my brain will always cause trouble and stop functioning once I've put my fingers on the keyboard. And I'm not exaggerating. It did happen. 2014 has been a very hard year for me, hectic as well. With the Pentaksiran Tingkatan 3 thingy which spices up my arduous life. I even considered the ludicrous idea of wanting to leave MRSM Batu Pahat, and at least, if I don't get to move to my old school back, transfer to another MRSM. Anywhere would be fine, as long as it is nowhere near Batu Pahat. Pft, everything seems so amiss and out of place.

I keep telling myself that everything that has happened & will happen has its own specific reason. I told myself Allah won't burden someone with something that is beyond their strength. That I need to be as fit as a fiddle. I need to believe in His plans, always. I realize that all this pang of loneliness and agony won't exist if I wasn't too vulnerable in the first place.

Truth be told, I don't know what this feeling really is, or where does it come from, how & why. I don't know. But then Aina (my sister) told me to relax myself, take wudhu' and seek help from the Almighty, Allah SWT. Even Maher Zain reminds us in one of his songs, that Allah SWT is always there. Watching us, guiding us. Once we feel like we have gone astray, make a u-turn and turn back to Him. He will always welcome us, without probing, judging nor scrutinizing  us in any possible way. Ya Allah, how can I be so weak and menacing. Forgive me, Ya Rabb.

Thanks for reading.
(Although this post is completely full of depressing, miserable and absurd thoughts of mine)

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annyeong ;
Alia. 18 && blessed.

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